We had our usual day today, I woke Master and made breakfast for him,
made him a snack to take with him and then cleaned and tidied. I woke
up several times during the night as my nipples were sore. I
sometimes turn around a lot in bed, and quite often sleep on my
front. It was a bit uncomfortable. I went swimming and that was a bad
idea! It really made my nipples sore. I kind of let it on when Master
came home after work, and he punished me for questioning him. Well,
it was supposed to be a punishment. As usual, he had some great ideas
and it turned into a nice session.
It was a bit short for me. I started work on my article after dinner,
and it was going well, when Master ordered me to stop and go to bed.
I am allowed to write my dairy. It is still early. Well.
3rd July
I looked forward to be able to go to yoga today and then on to the
Centre. Yesterday I saw my doctor to have my health check so I can
work in the kitchen. I had to give a stool sample, which was
uncomfortable. Master left some restraints on me last night after my
punishment, and I was only allowed to take it off after he had gone
to work. It was just leather wrist restraints and around my ankles,
not linked together, but still, they started chaffing me. My nipples
are better today, but I still put some cream on them again. I met
with Stine and Django today, it was hot today and Django just wanted
to lay in the shade. I told Stine about the new arrangements in the
anaesthesia department. She had heard stuff, but did not know all the
details. She managed to re-assure me that the other doctors would
take up the slack and Owe will be able to stick to his arrangement.
We also talked about Owe's plans to travel to the US in August and my
concerns. I thought about it all day and of course she is right. I
have been in contact a few times with Mark and even his daughters via
Skype, so we are ok. I always liked his wife, they were together for
quite some time before they got married and were actually were
helpful when I moved to Canada, Lizzie had packed my clothes up and
some stuff and I was able to pick it up from their place. Robert and
I drove down to get it and they met him briefly. Robert wanted to
take up their invitation to stay for dinner but I wanted to go.
I went to yoga, luckily they have good air conditioning in there.
Then Sabine and I went to the Centre. We actually did not do much hot
food, but some ingredients need cooking anyway. Owe contacted me, he
went out to dinner with a colleague to discuss the new regime. He was
in a good mood when he came to find me before the session started. We
just talked, catching up. We had meditation in the garden, it was
great! I went totally off, it must be all the bondage I had lately.
We walked most of the way home
as it was such a nice evening and talked.
4th July
What a funny day. Again, I did not sleep too well. One, it was hot.
Secondly, I kept waking up thinking about our trip to the US. After I
sent Owe off to work and had tidied the house, I went to the travel
agent we used before to organise the flights. I enquired about
connecting flights within the US. Master suggested to go to SF, he
has a friend there. And of course we want to go to Mr S, although I
do not know what they stock we do not already have! He then has made
plans to go to Seattle and visit the people whose podcast he listens
to. And Seattle is supposed to be very kinky. It means a lot of
travelling for us, but it would be nice to do our thing after dealing
with my family. As BandE will be with us a few weeks later, we are
not going to Canada. This time my passport has my Stockholm address
in it. Last time I still had my US passport, issued in Canada. It
caused some confusion at immigration, and I had it issued by the
American Embassy here in Sweden. It also helped with my application
for my police check, which I also sorted. It feels good that I can do
these things by myself now and can converse in Swedish. I had
compliments at the police station about my good Swedish.
The travel agent had an invitation to the Embassies 4th
July party. I had not even connected that it was a special day today.
I phoned Owe at lunch time if he wants to go and he said: Why not!?
He went to the gym, then came home and we went to the party. There
were some politicians and famous people there, and other ordinary
American citizens like me. There was a barbecue and lots of american
food, but I only had a little. Owe did not eat much either. We stayed
quite a while and had some good chats, we left after the fire works.
Most people did. We took a taxi back, we were both quite tired.
5th
It is cooler today and I slept well last night. We had our usual
morning and then I went to the gym. I have not been going regularly,
and I find it difficult. But I want to go, build up my muscles. Keep
fit. For Master and for me, it makes me feel good. I went to the
library, did some shopping. I had a call that my tests are back and I
went to get my health certificate. Wow. That was quick and easy! My
doctor is very nice, but I do not like to go to see him,
professionally. I guess I got used to having someone at home,
although it can be annoying as well. But I kind of, when I see my
doctor, than I am really ill. Mostly I have had good experiences with
doctors. Probably because they were recommended by fellow doctors.
I went to yoga. I had a drink with some of the girls. I came home and
prepared dinner for Master and me. We sat in the garden and enjoyed
the peace and quiet. The work will start on Monday. I am a little
anxious about it and Owe and I made arrangements for me to meet with
some people.
We planned our trip a little, we booked a hotel in New York. We have
already booked a hotel near Anyers. Mum wants to have a get together
at her house after the church service. It would be too much to stay
with her.
I am now actually getting quite excited about the trip. We planned a
few activities for New York. It will be hot there in August, and it
is main tourist season. Internet is great, one can get so much
information and book stuff in advance. Master will book the flights
tomorrow. We are sharing the cost. My investments are doing
exceptionally well at the moment. We checked it online. Owe still
puts money into the account he had set up for me and I do use it to
pay for food. We are in a routine and life is good.
6th
Today I got up early as usual and prepared the breakfast table before
waking Master. He was already awake but pretended not to. He never
can keep it up for long!
We showered together and then had breakfast. We went to the gym
together after we had tidied up.
I then went to the centre and he came home and Master went to the
travel agent to book the flights. He booked ALL of them! So now we
are tied to a schedule. I am quite happy that he has made that
decision. I am happy where he is. It felt good to walk into the
kitchen with my health certificate in hand. We were quite busy, a lot
of people came to use the restaurant. It is different than in the
afternoon, as we have to deal with the demands of the customers. It
is not like a restaurant, where we cook to order. Everything is out
on a buffett, but we have to replenish stuff sometimes. But I am
getting used to it, I have fitted in quite well. It took quite some
time to clean up, we also have to clean the restaurant. I was quite
surprised how much food was on the floor. I was able to take some
home for us to have for dinner. Master had met with his friend for
lunch, so did not want to eat much. We made use of the garden, we had
to water the plants. I went for a short swim. It was nice to be in
the water and weightless after standing in the kitchen all day.
Tonight we just spent reading, Master caught up with some of his
professional publications.
7th
So, it is Sunday. We had a busy day yesterday, with our normal
Saturday morning. It is our anniversary on Monday, and we brought
the “celebrations” forward. In the end it was not until evening
that Master put me into a straight jacket. I met with Per and Lasse
in town. I gave them a note to give to our tenant, I would like to
meet up. They said the Master is out all day and the slave has not
been out by himself. They had a food delivery.
Master and I had a light lunch and then laid in the sun for a bit,
before going swimming. I stayed in longer as I had my suit, Master
got cold. He had made me my shake for when I came out. Finally we
did some bondage. I then slept in the cage. Master came to bed very
late. He got up again after a while. It is not like him. I better go
and wake him.
It is later today, we had a good day. Lots of talking! I guess that
is what kept Master awake last night, although he said no, he just
could not sleep. His mind just jumped from one thing to another, he
does not even remember now. This morning we made use of the frame in
the garden. I guess it will be months before we can use it again
knowing we will not be “discovered”. Our neighbors complained to
us yesterday about the noise and dirt we will have. I overheard them
talking to Owe. He was very annoyed with them. Today they left, they
have gone away for a week.
Master asked me today what he should call me. I was taken totally
aback by his question. I address him as Master, unless we are in
muggle public. He has always called me Ben. Sometimes slave. He uses
that word if we are having a session or he did at the beginning. Now
he does it sometimes, but most of the time he uses my name. I
explained he intones it differently and I can read his mood, he
carries a lot of emotion in his voice, or the way he pronounces the
words. I assured him we work. He is a natural Master and I am a
natural slave, his slave. And our energy has synced, and I do not
need words. He asked me if want to be called slave. I do not need to
hear the word used instead of my name, but that is me. We know it,
that is ok. I love him so much....
In the afternoon we went to the club. We wanted to see how business
is at the weekend, but it was kinky family day. It was busy, there
was a bouncy castle and face painting and a small pool. Martin had
organised it well. We got talking to quite a few people. They thought
it was a great idea, to have a family day.
It was noisy and I was quite glad when we left. I like kids, but only
in small portions.
Oh, we just had a phone call from our tenant. He told Owe off that he
allowed his slave to contact his slave. He said Owe should have made
contact on my behalf. Ok, so they are more old school. Master
defended me, but then he told me off later. Anyway, I am meeting the
boy on Wednesday!
8th
Well, the builders came today to take down the trees. Master went to
work later so he could meet them. There was a lot of noise and
equipment arriving. The new owners were there as well. I went to the
gym, and sneaked into the house. I kept the windows and doors closed.
There was a lot of saw dust. It is all very messy. They got most of
the trees down, they pulled them out with a digger! A few times I was
tempted to leave the house to get away from it, but I had work to do.
I did my article up in the office, but that faces the garden, so was
not so quiet. I had to do some ironing and look after some leather. I
stayed in the play room for some time. I was not sure what to do,
acknowledge my anxiety, or try to ignore it. Later in the afternoon
it suddenly came to me, what made me so nervous. I was always ready
to physically defend myself. My body was tense. Any unexpected noise
made me jump. I did not want to be in the living room. I had pulled
the curtains closed in the morning and left them closed. Luckily my
argument is that it is south facing and the sun coming in heats the
house too much. When Master came home, I nearly had a panic attack.
He had gone to the gym after work and not phoned me to say he was
nearly home. I explained to him why I was so jumpy and he understood.
I am glad that he did. If he had dismissed my anxiety, I am not sure.
It made me feel better to have it accepted. It helped me see how
irrational it is. But anxiety is irrational, that is why it is a
recognised mental health issue. They worked until gone 6pm, to make
use of the cost of the equipment and use the light. But finally
Master asked them to leave. Master took me to his bedroom and we made
out for a bit. It was for my benefit and it helped. I feel so
ashamed. He had had a though day at work and then he has me at home.
That is not right. I should be there for him, not the other way
round. Well, tomorrow I am out most of the day!
9th
It is quite late, it has been an eventful evening.
It was a normal day. I woke Master, made breakfast and his snack box,
tidied up, locked up the house and left! I was just about to pull up
the blind in Master's bedroom when I heard voices going past and
remembered that the builders could see in and see the cage at the end
of the bed. Yesterday I was in and out of his room, but I had not
even noticed that the blind was down. It was enough light, as he has
a skylight. But when I came in today to tidy up and make his bed, it
was so automatic to pull the blind up!
I went our old neighborhood and had a coffee and cake at our old
coffee shop. One girl there still works there and we had a catch up.
Then I went to the Barber for a haircut. I asked him to do it
slightly different, and he questioned me if I was sure it would be
ok. I assured him I would deal with Owe if he did not like it. I went
to the library for a short while and went to the gym. I had a light
snack for lunch in the park and then went to yoga and then on to the
centre. Master had not been sure if he would come for dinner, so I
saved something for him anyway.
He arrived when I was out with Sabine, visiting an elderly lady in
the neighborhood. She had been in hospital and needs a bit help at
home. She is a regular at lunch time and the staff have taken to look
after her. We did not have time to spend together, not even in the
tea break. We had a catch up on the way home. Once I had made tea at
home, Master ordered me to kneel in front of him and he ran his
fingers through my hair. He had noticed it, of course! He was not
happy! He kind of made a joke out of it, but ordered me to get it cut
again before I see the slave tomorrow morning. It was fun for a few
hours!
10th
Oh, Master granted me a session in my sleepsack today! It was great.
I needed it after the day I had!
At first I had my haircut sorted, the barber took just a few minutes
to do it and he did not even charge me. He had a bet with his
apprentice that I would come back. Apparently he had told him about
our “special relationship” after I had left yesterday. I
confirmed it and explained it to the boy. He was just embarrassed by
it, but I quite like to educate people.
Then I went to meet the slave. He was a bit nervous at first, but I
told him about my experiences when I first lived in the flat and he
soon warmed to me and we talked about our upbringing in the States
and about live in Sweden. I only stayed for about an hour. He seems
nice. I hope we can do this more often. I will ask Master to try to
arrange it for me. I met Mats on the way out and we have arranged to
meet for lunch tomorrow. I went to the gym and met with Ingrid for
lunch. I then even went across the bridge to the big shops in the
commercial town centre. Even clothes shopping was better than being
at home! I even bought something! Shortly after I had come home one
of the builders knocked on the door, he asked to use the toilet. He
had a thing about using a portable one after it had been there for 3
days. I totally understood, how can I refuse someone? He took quite a
while and then he wanted to chat. He really liked the living room and
kitchen, and talked about how well they had made process. I was
getting more and more nervous and finally he let himself out via the
patio doors. They were cleaning up, and I could not use the excuse to
stop sawdust coming in to close the door. I started dinner and went
back from time to time and closed the door slowly. I had just managed
to close it and gone upstairs to meditate when Master came home. He
was surprised to find me upstairs. He noticed my distress and left me
to it. I came down after about 20 minutes, he had made me my shake
and told me about his day and asked about mine. He inspected my hair
cut and declared it acceptable. The builders left soon and Master
inspected the work. We had dinner and after I had cleaned up he got
my sleepsack out.
11th
Today I had to endure the builders for a while as I had arranged to
meet Stine and Django. We went to the park for a bit, but Django
seemed confused by all the people and the noise. Stine is finding it
very hard. She even confessed to me, she is kind of waiting for him
to die now. She says it is the same with people, it is sometimes hard
to see them hold on. I do not like to talk about death. For the
doctors I know, it might be easier. They have to deal with it all the
time, they know more about the body etc. For me it is still hard. To
accept the finality of it. Although it is not final. But all the
deaths I experienced, it was. I never had any message from them, no
contact. Except Robert saying goodbye.
I then met with Mats and Sahid for lunch, it was a bit tense. Sahid
started a job in IT some weeks ago and he enjoys the new friends he
has made. And the money he now earns. Well, they have to sort it out.
I then had yoga and we went for our drinks. Master was already at
home when I came home. The builders had already gone, they had poured
the concrete today. We cooked dinner together and ate outside. Then
we had to water what plants we have left, and even went for a short
swim, me without my suit! It was so cold! We splashed around and then
had a shower together in Master's bathroom. Master took me to bed. He
made love to me. Yes, this was not sex. We both fell asleep. I only
slept lightly, I had some confusing dreams, but not disturbing. We
tidied up and Master is in the living room, I am going to bed soon. I
am still quite horny.
12th
So, I slept reasonably well last night. I nearly took my device off
last night to get myself off. I did not want Master involved, I was
having all these thoughts and images and it was a solo thing. But I
resisted. I am sure if I had asked for permission, he would have
allowed me to. It is so rare that I have feelings like that. Maybe he
would have denied me, just because he can. That would have been fine.
But I did not dare do it behind his back, because that never turns
out well. Sods law he would have walked in! So, it gave me nice
dreams and I had to wash my bedding today. This happens quite often,
that I release during the night, so it is ok. I had to hang it up in
the garage to dry, as the workmen were creating dust.
I woke Master, but we did not have sex. Why do builders start so
early? It just did not feel right, when they were walking past the
window all the time. The concrete foundation for the fence is in and
the posts as well. The will fit it on Monday and we will have privacy
again. They did the foundation for the extension at the neighbors
today. It looks very small.
Master and I went shopping at the big hypermarket, just to go
somewhere else really. I then went on to the centre. He went for a
haircut. He told me off today for talking to the barber about us
without his consent. I guess he is right, but then I only filled in
some gaps. And I am sure we will never see the boy or his mates. The
boy was so embarrassed anyway, he would not tell his mates! Master
has actually never forbidden me to talk to other people. And I only
tell people who I think I can trust, when they ask.
We had a quiet evening at home. We cooked together and I was allowed
some wine. Master then took me to the playroom and we did 2 scenes.
One with rope and one with leather. His rope skills have improved.
Maybe that is what he does when he stays up. Practise knots?
Well, off to my freshly prepared bed.
14th
We had a quiet day at home. Master is doing the operation on the
Afghan boy on Sunday, and he wanted to be rested for it. It is going
to take all day. He suggested I make some plans to meet with someone,
but I am quite happy to be at home, on my own. I have to escape again
next week, although. Hopefully, once the fence is in, it will be
better. They won't be on our grounds. I saw our neighbors come back.
We were watering the front garden. They came to inspect the work.
Master updated them. They were not very talkative. Miserable gits.
15th July
|Well. Sunday is nearly over. I woke Master this morning, that felt
strange! I took him to work, more for me to have something to do. I
went to the gym, it was not too busy! I shortened my session though
and had a shower at home. I did not want to cause any fuss. There
were children there. They do dance classes and martial arts for
children at the gym. I came home and did some baking and prepared
vegetables and fruit for the freezer. I like to make use of the fresh
produce now and freeze it myself. I do them in smaller portions which
we then use for my drinks. I did some work on my article. Trude
phoned and we had a nice chat. They are busy with summer guests. She
said the kids miss me. Then Owe phoned to say they were finished and
it would be nice if I can come and pick him up. He had eaten at the
hospital. He was wired and tired at the same time. We went for a walk
around the park before getting on the bus for home. He was quiet. He
only said it did not go as well as planned and there was no money
left to do a second operation, and everyone is disappointed. A
promised donation had not come in and funds were short anyway. This
means that maybe his rehab has to be cut short. I have decided to
donate some money. It is not fair that the family has gone through
all this agony and then it cannot be done 100%. I am suffering from
the aftermath of a botched up job, I do not want this boy to have to
suffer unnecessarily.
Master went swimming in my suit, he was tired, but restless. He felt
better after the swim and we watched one of the movies he had hired
from the library. I could not concentrate on it, as I sat – as
usual – on the floor and had taken to massage and caress Masters
feet and leg. I totally went into headspace, and concentrated on
serving him. He enjoyed it very much. Luckily he is not ticklish.
16th July
This morning I left early for the gym and even LEFT the cleaning for
when I came back! I quickly popped in to the hospital to ask for the
person and phone number I need to speak to to donate some money. I do
not want Owe to know that I am doing this.
The fencing people were about half way done by the way I came back!
It takes a bit getting used to, but I prefer it to the leylandi. One
can notice already how much more light we will have. They were as far
done as the new extension will be, and yes, the fence should be high
enough so we have our privacy. The extension will be a steel girder
and glass construction, and the steel is supposed to come
tomorrow. They have done all the foundations for it on friday and the
concrete dried over the weekend. Apparently if they have measured
even an inch wrong, it could all go wrong. It is quite interesting to
see the building work, but it also unnerves me. I am just not used to
having so many people around. This is a very quiet neighborhood.
I made myself a proper lunch with meat and vegetables. Master will
eat at the hospital. That is how we usually do it now. Then we have
something light in the evening, often just bread and cold meats and
cheese and salad. And Master gets his smoked or pickled fish. I
somehow find it much easier here to cook healthily than in Canada.
Although we cooked mostly from scratch, but I was not as involved in
doing the shopping. So I have tried new things here, and I learned a
lot at the Centre. When I had my illness a few weeks ago and my
doctor took a swipe from my guts, and and as well the stool sample
for my health check, apparently I had a super healthy gut flora. That
is good to know. I was told if I look after myself I can live a long
live with a stoma, it should not make much difference. But it did
worry me at first. In Canada, when I first came to the hospital in
North Rock to get myself sorted, they even said I can apply for
disability! That is one reason why I had such a huge payout, to
support the cost for my extra medical bills.
So, what else did I do today? Not much, I phoned the hospital when I
came home and sorted the donation. I have to go my bank tomorrow to
sort it out. Usually I do my banking online, but then I would have to
ask Master Owe to set me up, and I just have done some banking. It's
ok, I can go to a branch. The lady at the hospital asked how I knew
about the case, and I just said I know someone who works at the
hospital who told me about it. It is quite a big sum, but she
understood that I want to be anonymous. The afternoon was fairly
quiet, I did some work on my article. I tend to find articles I would
not usually read, maybe about arts, sports or something. Then I can
concentrate better on the language or the topic.
Master came home straight after work, he was very pleased with the
fence. He chatted to the gardener for a while. They discussed some
landscaping. The gardener said we should wait until autumn, for the
soil to settle down, as the roots will rot etc.
Master was tired after yesterday. He wanted a quiet evening. I have
to take the movies back to the library tomorrow. We have only watched
one, but that is fine.
He had some more replies about e-mails he had sent to people in the
States. His father just had a health check and everything is fine. He
is planning to work even less and ease himself into retirement. He
basically only does consultancy work on a part time basis anyway, but
he wants to cut it back even more. Nice for him.
Master and I have been invited to take part in the podcast. They want
to interview us about being Master/slave. I guess it will be alright.
I have listened to quite a few shows now, and their other one as
well, so I am familiar with their style. They seem like such friendly
people! This time it is Master who needs a bit more convincing. I
mentioned it before, he is very private. But when we do a blog, we
might as well do the podcast!
He had contacted Serious Bondage Institute, but I knew about that in
advance. He had asked me if I would be interested to do a shoot for
their website. I agreed, if the mood is right, and I do not really
want my face shown. Mark replied to us and was very keen for us to
come. He has had some ideas for scenes. We will see. Master's friend
in SF has also confirmed to meet.
Otherwise it was a quiet evening.
Wed 18th
Today Master came home with the news that a donation was made to make
up the fund to care for the boy. It took all my acting ability to not
let on I knew. He was very pleased and astonished how this came
about. I said maybe the original donor had a change of heart? Anyway,
I managed to steer him away from the topic. We had sent an e-mail to
J late last night and arranged to Skype today. He did it from his
office. I suggested to skype with his daughters before we come, but
he said it is ok, they have seen photos and have had everything
explained. He would like to talk to me as well.
Ok, I am getting nervous about this. I guess we will have to see what
the energy is like on the day and if it is all too stressful, I just
have to leave. I feel for my mother, she is in the middle of all
this. But then she is partly to blame for the situation. Ah. Well.
I went to the gym, had a good session. Someone asked me about my
belt. He was very polite and very interested and we even stayed for a
juice so we could talk. He confessed to me he had seen me before and
had hoped to run into me again. He thinks he has a phobia about his
balls and penis and is thinking about having them removed. He wanted
to know what it was like. I told him to not only consider how he will
feel afterwards, but that he has to deal with the public as well,
like in public showers or health care staff. I have his details as I
want to ask Leif to get in touch with him, he has contacts to
doctors. This guy seemed serious to me. I have not told Master about
this, he sometimes reacts funny. He sees me and my bits as his
property. Of course they are his “property”. That is one reason
why I wear the belt. And I like that he thinks like that. But if
someone asks my advice, because they are seriously troubled, then I
want to/ need to help!
We went for a walk tonight, and then had some tea at home. He
practised some rope on me. He wants to take some to the States, so we
can do bondage in our hotels. I like being tied up with rope. It is a
longer process than just closing leather restraints, and we need to
communicate, and sometimes there is a lot of touching. It is very
intimate. Even, like tonight, when I was fully dressed.
