Friday, busy

I awaited Master in my collar last night. It was not so successful. He was again quite wired and hungry. So I had to switch mode quickly and make him dinner and a drink. He was chatty and I just sat and listened. The thing is, one cannot pretend to listen to him. I have to listen. He picks up on that very easily. He is much more perceptive than he comes across at first. I guess that is why we are such a good match, he notices my moods easily and manages me well. I guess I have grown to actually rely on the people closest to me to manage me, instead of managing myself. But I never noticed really when it started. I noticed the people around me treat me differently. It took me quite some time to learn when I was getting stressed. And the techniques to keep it under control, or once I have lost control, to reign myself back in. Most of the time I need help once I have lost it. I have never really had professional help, we had friends and colleagues who were professionals and gave us tips. We have never considered medication, we never thought it was necessary. I think we are managing well here. Owe and me. Thanks to Ingrid I have learned more about me and my -episodes.

Well, I slept in the cage again. I kind of noticed Master come to bed, he did not want to switch the light on and was fumbling around. I got up at my usual time and did yoga in my room. I woke Master with our routine, it was nice. It sounds as if it was just ok, I meant it was very good.

I enjoyed being close to him and he enjoyed it, too. We had breakfast and went to the gym together. Master stayed on to go to the sauna. I came home via the supermarket, picked up Django and then made lunch. I took Django out before going to yoga. Master took him home later. He did some studying and the short walk and fresh air was good for him. I met with Sabine after yoga. We have not had much time lately, and we had a good time at the Centre. I lost track of time and was late home. Master was annoyed with me. He accepted my apology and explained to me he just gets a bit nervous that I am safe. I find Stockholm to be a very safe town, certainly our part of town! I always use the bus to come home from the train station when it is dark, and at the moment it is so cold! Maybe there is something I do not know. Some weirdos contacted Robert when we did the porn and asked to have sex with me. There was a time when I was not allowed to go out by myself at all. There were some hushed conversations in Robert's office. I still wish they had told me what was going on, I had the self defence training! Then it stopped, I was allowed more freedom. So I think I had a stalker or person who had found out where we lived or had made threats. But what happened for it to finish? I know Master worries about that as well, but then we have quite a high profile. And we have given details away about where we live, so someone determined could find me.

Anyway, it is M/S night tonight, the first one at the club. It feels strange, we have been there so much this month already! Do I want to go out tonight, in this cold weather? No. But we have an obligation to be there. And in the end I will enjoy it. Master often feels the same. He has determined what I am to wear.