At the farm

Well, I am on the train. I have a packed lunch with me. Goodbye was awkward. Owe came on the train to help me with my luggage. Other people were trying to get past, so we did not have the chance for a long or intimate good bye. I am excited and nervous. I do not really know them very well. Usually I am with Owe and he makes conversation. Although I have had good conversations with all the adults by myself before. I like his cousin, he is a quiet guy but once he gets warmed up. And Trude is so motherly, but energetic and no-nonsense kind of person. I am sure I will be alright. I do not know yet how long I am going to stay. How long I am welcome. I will miss Owe, but then I am quite relieved to be away from his “care” for some time. I think it is important for me, to have some time by myself, to figure out who I am again. Not slave Ben, submissive Ben. Me, Ben, the person.

So, last night we went to bed. We had talked about going to the playroom, but we were both not quite in the mood. So we had plain sex, couples sex. I wanted to remember every inch of his body. Immediately after sex it can be strange. That “turn around and get the cigarette” moment. Well, we do not smoke. So what do you do. We talked. Owe needed to discuss my comment about him treating me like a child. Well, that kills the atmosphere! Anyway, I was able to elaborate and I think it gives us something to think about while I am away and I guess we need to have a talk when I come back. I was not sure if I was allowed to stay in bed with him, and I did not want to ask, as I wanted to stay. Owe noticed my discomfort and asked me. He wanted me to stay as well. This time I did not even get too hot. This morning he went to the gym while I packed and sorted myself out. We took a taxi to the station. Considering I am only away a week or so, I have quite some bags. One for clothes, one for medical stuff, one with school stuff and for the journey!

Well, I better have my lunch, and then enjoy the view!

Trude has been very welcoming, she picked me up from the station. She asked if there was any special food we should get while we are in town. I could not think of anything. Very nice of her to ask, though. She asked if everything is ok between Owe and me, and I assured her it is, just that I wanted to have some time to sort my head after my mother's visit. She understood that. I am in the room Owe and I shared at Christmas. There was a cuddly bear on the bed. She explained it used to be Owe's. She had bought it for him after his mother had died. She had a clear out recently and had found it, washed it and kept ready. She had not intentionally put it into the room. I like to have it here. We went through our schedules. I explained I will need some time in the bathroom every other day, which she of course is familiar with. I asked where I can do yoga. On previous visits I have not done it. I told her I like my privacy, which again she accepted. Tomorrow we are going to a bonfire at the sports fields. It is a big event, the whole village will be there. I went for a walk around the farm, and then helped Trude prepare dinner. The kids have been told not to pester me today. After dinner Trude reminded me I should call Owe, which I duly did. We did not talk for long.

I am going to bed early, I suddenly feel very tired.