A long entry - Saturday

We are having some time apart. How dramatic, just a couple of hours! Master is getting fed up with not being able to do certain things and he thought he needs to have some time to distract him. He decided to go to the cinema, and as he knows I am not a fan of action movies, he decided to go on his own. I am at the library. I wanted a change of scenery as well so I brought my diary here.

This morning, waking up in the cage, I was a bit disorientated. Considering how small the space is, I am always surprised I manage to sleep well and wake up without bruises on my hands or arms when I turn around. I crept out of the room, did my yoga and had my coffee. I made another coffee for Master and took it to him. He was still quite tired and asked me to join him in bed. I knew better than to try to wake him or try anything else when he is in that mood. He has to wake naturally. I usually use an insulated mug with a lid on, so the coffee stays warm when he needs a bit longer. It has been quite useful lately to have the lid.

I must have drifted off again, because when I felt a hand between my legs I was quite shocked! I let Master proceed. He played with my vagina a little and with the tip of my penis. Sometimes it feels strange to have my vagina. I almost forget that I have it day to day. Then, when we have sex, or Master uses it to arouse me, …..I should be used to it by now. I had the choice of not opening it up. At the time it was what I wanted. I do not regret it. Would I do it again, with the knowledge I have now? I do not know. It does not matter to Owe if I have it or not, but he uses it and likes it. He has never been with a woman, never had any curiosity. It was not part of the reasons why he allowed me to come. It is just part of me. This morning him playing with me did not last long as he was getting uncomfortable because of his hand. Shame. It has made sex a bit more difficult. We are both getting a bit frustrated.

We had a shower together. He enjoyed being washed by me and I ended up on my knees. I felt so close to him this morning!

We had breakfast and planned our day. I usually like to have a plan what I am going to cook all week. I shop accordingly on the market. I prefer buying on the market, the vegetables look better and the quality is good. Meat can most of the time be stored for a few days. There is a very good cheese stall, and a good bread and bakery goods stall. Sadly I cannot eat much cheese, but Master likes it. And I am not too bad with sheep and goats cheese! I have gotten to know the stallholders and we enjoy a chat. Owe does come with me to the market quite often, but I take charge. I often do not feel right about it, but Owe encourages me to do the decision what to buy and to chat to the traders. We needed to do some shopping in the supermarket as well and came home. Master sat down with his paper while I prepared some pasta and salad for lunch. I mentioned I wanted to go to the library, as I had finished my book last night. Master decided to go to the cinema. The market is on the square in front of the cinema and he had noticed the poster. So after lunch we sat off. We have arranged to meet when the film is finished and go for a drink at a new bar which is supposed to be a gay bar. Wow, I better go and choose some books. Master has asked to get him something as well.

I was waiting outside the bar when someone behind me said: How much do you charge, boy?”. Of course I recognised Master's voice, and I replied: buy me a drink and I might do it for free. He laughed and hugged and kissed me. Mmh. Swedish bars and restaurants all have a cloakroom, often staffed. One has to wear so many clothes in winter, it is better to leave it at the door than finding a seat or hanging it over the back of the chair. I think I can relax more knowing my stuff is safe in the cloakroom. I left my rucksack with the books there as well. It was not very busy and we sat down at the bar. Master asked what I wanted to drink and I thought I would like the bartender to choose for me. A good bartender has an idea what his clients want. He made a drink based on a lot of fruit juices, it was very yummi. He gave Master a glass of champagne! We got chatting about bars and the gay scene with the bartender. It was not very busy. We stayed for a second drink. I used the time while Master was in the bathroom to pay. I made a comment to the bartender that I will probably be told off for paying later. He asked me if I was ok. How nice of him to dare to ask! I said it was ok, and explained my situation. Then Master came back, and as I know he does not like to broadcast our relationship, I quickly made for the exit. Master took my hand while we walked to the bus.

We picked up a pizza to take home, there is a place in our neighborhood. Pasta for lunch, pizza for dinner. Master liked the books I had chosen for him.

We had dinner and then sat reading. It was nice. I was reading the paper, but you know how you have the feeling that someone is watching you. So I lowered the paper and looked at Master. He was looking at me ...He told me to get my ass into the bedroom and prepare myself to be fucked! Yeah!

I had to help him get undressed, it was a bit of a mood killer, but we got back into it soon. Oh it was good! Afterwards Master sent me to my room. My mind is still racing, so I decided to write my diary. I would have liked to cuddle or even share the bed. But Owe decided different. We had a lovely day, though.

Hm, what do I call this posting?

I was awake quite a while last night. We had such a fun evening, such a good conversation. We spent most of the evening talking. I had asked him about Sven and found out some interesting details about his life. We talked in general about Masters, lifestyles, the kink community. I thought a lot about Robert, Barbara, Erik, and my life in Canada. Life with Master Owe is so different. It is not better, not worse, different good. Life in Sweden is so different. But I enjoy it so much.

So, I was lying awake last night, just feeling happy and grateful.

So this morning in did my yoga and heard Master get up shortly after. It was unusual early for him. He does not sleep very well because of his hand. It has only been 2 weeks, but he is really fed up.

I usually have a coffee by myself before I start the day properly. This time Master joined me. We really miss our little table. We had talked about it a few days earlier. We briefly thought about getting another table, but decided against it.

We quietly sat with our coffees. Suddenly we looked at each other and had to laugh! What about? Just so. Master wanted to go back to bed. I had a shower and went shopping for some fresh baked goods. I prepared breakfast, by now Master had been back to bed for over an hour and I thought it would be alright to try to wake him. He was still very drowsy and I slipped into bed with him. We just lay there, sometimes talking, touching a little. These little moments are just the best!

Finally he got up and we had breakfast. Then he had a shower and needed my help getting dry and get dressed. We needed to go to the building site, he had a message the evening before to please come to the site. We would have gone anyway.

It is quite amazing how it can change in a few days. Sometimes one cannot see what has been done, but this time it was obvious. The foreman addressed Master this time.

We were there for about an hour. We drove to the house and got the mail and checked it in general. I always feel a bit funny being there. I have to shut it out. I just do not know how I coped at the beginning being between two places all the time.

When we got home Master suggested I go to the gym. So I did, had my sandwich there and then stayed for yoga. I had a drink with some of the girls afterwards, after I had checked with Owe it was ok. I think I get on better with women. I guess somehow in that group I am the “typical gay best friend”.

Master had met with Stefan for lunch, but when I called him after yoga there were still at the bar. He does not often go out by himself, well he rarely does. I am so glad for him to be doing something for himself. After drinks I went home and he still was not back! I needed to eat and have my shake. He came home while I was preparing some food. He was in a good mood, but tired and his hand hurt.

He went for a rest on the sofa. He “suggested” I get the cage through and read my book in the cage.

Of course I did that. At the house we would have used the pole in the living room.

Later I made us a snack. Master wanted to listen to some music. He likes to listen properly. I was not in the mood and asked to go to my room. Master said I should use the cage in his bedroom then, and probably sleep in there as well. Wow, he has put his foot down! So, I have written a lot, being cramped in the cage. Time to finish.

A good day

I had a good night's sleep. I had some trouble getting the restraints off, but I enjoyed the struggle. I did some yoga, had breakfast and woke Master. I did not have time to help him get dressed, so he kind of was trapped in the house. I came home for lunch, he had cooked again. He is getting quite into it. We went to the gym together, he had arranged to meet with Sven. We went for a drink with Sven afterwards. I like Sven very much, he is so down to earth. He has that natural authority that Master has. I would not mind having a session with him someday. Despite him liking rubber. I kind of mentioned something like that to Master over dinner. We talked about dream dates. It turned into a fun conversation which carried on all evening. We checked our dream dates on the internet and had some fun.


Sorry, this is another short one. It was designed to be like this. Ben writes every day, so sometimes it is just a short entry. Master Owe's blog will resume very soon.
Thanks for the feedback. Please tell your mates.

OH, what a busy day

I had a stressful day today.

It started normal, I woke Master and helped him get ready after breakfast. I was due to clean myself and I like to have a shower afterwards. Master had decided to go and check on the house and do some shopping afterwards. He was out all morning. I had trouble with my guts and finally gave up. I went to the gym instead. I thought some exercise might help. There was a guy starting at me, I am not sure what he looked at. My stoma, my scar, my belt? I was already self conscious as I had my problem in the morning, and he did not help. My scar has faded quite a bit, I still use a lotion to help with the appearance. Master likes to trace them, despite him knowing how self conscious I am of them. But I am ok with him doing it. Anyway, so when I came home I was ready to clean myself. I heard the door bell ring and then my phone went off. A few moments later Master came home. He shouted for me, he sounded annoyed. Luckily he must have realised what was going on. I had the door closed, I usually only close it when I clean myself.

When I finally emerged Master had just put away the groceries. He had tried to get me to help with the shopping. He gave me a hug and said “Speaking as your husband, is everything ok?” Meaning why I had needed 2 attempts. He was concerned about me and wanted me to see a doctor. I got a little upset. I know he means well, but people interfering with the care of my digestion system get to me. I replied accordingly. My husband turned to Master again. He set me straight. I love him! And I told him. He had said it a few minutes earlier, in husband mode. Well, we were fine. It was a special moment. We decided to go out for lunch. Afterwards he was quite tired and a bit sore. When we came home – I do not know how the atmosphere changed – he ordered me to the chair and we had sex! He caressed and kissed me for a while and then fucked me in my vagina. He had fingered me in my anus before and set me up. Oh, it was nice! He ordered me to leave a plug out and leave the belt off when I got dressed. I felt very loose and empty. We were both quite tired and went to Master's bed for an hour. Tonight we had a warm dinner. Master did not eat much either, as we had a proper meal for lunch. He put me into some restraints and I sat on the floor while we watched some tv.

I am allowed to put my belt on and plug in again tomorrow morning. He will put my hands into restraints so I cannot play with myself tonight. It is actually not something I do anyway. It just does not work for me. Being in restraints does it for me though!

Reflections

Master has spent a lot of time on the internet the last few days. He does not spend much time on certain sites, and I never have. I know of other blogs and some people who are known in the scene through their internet presence. I was known in the scene, mostly through my porn work. Although I used another name. Robert liked to watch other porn and was in contact with other Masters or people who called themselves that. I am surprised how many readers Master Owe and I get for our blogs.

He has been reading other people's blogs. Seems most of them loose interest after about 18 months and finish after 2 years. So we are doing well. Why write a blog? For us we wanted to document how our relationship develops and how a Master/slave relationship works. Hm, I am getting back to How does a slave behave, what makes a slave? In the end it is very personal.

He says he has listened to a lot of podcasts of NoSafeWord. I know about that show, Robert liked it.

I had my usual Tuesday. I had lunch with some class mates. The girl who asked me last week about my home life enquired how everything is. She seemed genuinely interested so I started to tell her about me. We had a good talk. She was not shocked or too interested. Sometimes you can get these idiots who want to know all the details, especially sex. Well, go onto the internet for that.

I had yoga and then went to the centre. The manager commented I looked much better. We had a very nice evening.

Why did I mention the internet? Well, we seem to have picked up a new reader who has been commenting and I am not happy with his attitude. Master said maybe he asks these questions as this person is just starting to explore; maybe they get off on it. Like, the other day when Master talked to me while I was strapped to the bench. The reader wanted to know what Master said. Yes, it was sexy, it was Master /slave stuff. One, I cannot recall it, two, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. So why did I mention it? Well, it shows that dominance does not have to be physical. I think I said it before, for me the natural authority that Master exudes is what makes him Master. He does not need restraints, he does not need to top me. He is in charge. It is his choice of words. He does not say. Can you get me a drink. It is Get me a drink. To other people it seems rude, to us that is normal.

I thought about blocking this person, but Master wants to give – I guess him – a chance.

Well, enough for today. Master has told me to go to sleep.

Re-inforcing our behaviour

Master and I had a slow morning getting ready, I took my time with his blow job. He seemed to enjoy it. We went to the building site. They found more problems. The foreman complained that the studied architect has not practical experience so what he draws does not work in practice. He wanted to change something and wanted to get our approval. It has no significant outcome on the end product and cost. He kept looking at me while he explained. Master was concentrating on the plans and did not seem to notice. Well, it annoyed me. Yes, I have been introduced as part owner, but I think practical decisions need to be done by Master. So I asked the foreman politely to address my Master, I had no power to approve the changes. The foreman looked perplexed. Master sent me to the car. When he finally joined me, he told me he finally has explained our relationship to the foreman. He had been told about it, but being confronted with it like today was a bit much for him. He thought I had done the right thing to tell the foreman off. I was afraid it was not my place and I would be told off by Master for taking the initiative. But he was ok with it. I guess it was evidence again that I am a bit more forward with our lifestyle than Master is. We drove further out of town and found a nice restaurant. Master enjoyed eating fish. I hardly ever cook it as I do not like fish much. We had a leisurely afternoon at home. Master strapped me to the bench. He put some white noise on for me. I was in a beautiful space for a couple of hours. Master prepared us some dinner.

Barbara phoned me. We had a good catch up. Erik had not told her much about our conversation. It was a slave talk. We only talked about my anxiety for a short time, it is over. It was nice to talk to her, and I miss her. I took the liberty to snuggle to Master after I had hung up. He understood. He just held and kissed me, assured me. He likes to be intimate like that anyway. But we still are aware of our roles, and we want to be in these roles. No, not roles. It is our personalities.

Sunday

Sunday. How do we manage to get through the weeks? I better report what happened last night. I was dawdling over dinner. I was not very hungry. Master insists I eat something in the evening. He was very hungry after his work out. He asked how my day had been. I kind of evaded answering honestly, and of course he noticed it. He suggested I speak to Barbara or Erik. They know me best and are no-nonsense people who have sorted me out before. I thought it was a very good idea.

I phoned Canada, and Erik was at home and able to talk to me. We had a 2 hour conversation!

I cannot recall what we talked about, but I cried a lot afterwards. It felt cathartic. Master let me.

We had a shower together and got us both ready for bed. I went to bed first, in my own room. I slept deeply. Today I feel better. I guess it was just one of those things. I get funny periods sometimes. It has to do with my autism. I did talk to Erik about how I can be a good slave to Master. He is the only person I know who has had the same experience and can give me advice there.

Master felt still quite restless, and luckily it was a nice sunny day. We wrapped up warm and went for a walk. We had some fika in a cafe and chatted to some people about politics. I am not that interested and therefore not that informed. I always get asked about the american opinion. How do I know what the average american thinks? I do not live there! I haven't for over 10 years! I was never very interested when I grew up, I only lived in my small town, I haven't met many people from different backgrounds. I have met more people from different countries through my language class than in my life time. Of course people do not know that, but they hear my accent and assume. Somehow I will always be a foreigner here.

A normal Saturday

Last night I spent some time in the cage, in the playroom, but I could hear Master in the living room, he was just reading. It was nice, I relaxed, I felt secure.

I moved some boxes again last night and this morning Master helped me with the last ones. We pushed them along on the floor. It is not really that he wants me out of his room, but our boundaries got blurred and we just want to be in our own space again. I talked to him this morning how I felt not quite right. He has picked up on it, but thought maybe I can catch myself. He thought if he tried to “help” me we would go back to the experience of last autumn. He noticed he gets very upset about not being able to do stuff, but he has not vocalized it. He thought I will get stressed if he does not show a calm front. He feels restless. He has arranged to meet with Sven at our gym. Sven is a personal trainer and Master feels more comfortable with a friend helping him with a work out than one of the staff.

I have done my shopping and been to the house to fetch the mail. I decided not to hang around, as I would get “homesick”.

When I came home Master had gone to meet with Sven. I wanted some company, but none of our friends were at home. I wanted some company of someone who is in the scene, someone I could talk to about slave stuff. We do not go the club often enough that I have made friends there. I usually find someone to talk to, even about slave stuff, but I do not have anyone I could call. Anyway, I do not think anyone from the club is in a similar situation. That is the difference between submissive and slave. Maybe I should try to write an essay about the difference, how I see it.

Master is back from the gym. I did some baking to keep me occupied. I listened to the radio and I was quite content. Master is very tired now, good tired.

Despite a fuck I am on edge

Last night I snuggled up to Master before I went to sleep on my mattress. I traced the tattoo, first with my finger, than with my tongue. Master wanted me to attend to his nipples. It was nice, it was so intimate. He got a hard on, but he did not want to do anything about it. Shame. I haven't been fucked for, - a week.

I went to the gym. Master suggested it. I haven't been for a week and it was hard work. I have really neglected the gym for a few weeks, as we were in Dalarna as well. I met with Ingrid for lunch, Master had arranged to meet Stefan. Ingrid picked up on my stress, it was good to talk to her.

I went to yoga. I needed to do some shopping. When I came home Master was pleased to see me. He embraced and kissed me. We ended up having sex on the living room floor. It was fast, rough. But, oh it was what I had needed. I think he was slightly drunk.

He had a rest on the sofa, while I put the shopping away and started on dinner. I felt like something had not been resolved. I was a little on edge. I kind of have been on edge all week, and I am sick of this feeling. I have talked to a lot of people, how I feel out of sorts. We have drawn up rules, Master is being Master, I do my stuff. Nothing has really changed, but I feel a bit not quite right. I cannot find words for it. I cannot define my feelings, my thoughts. There is just a kind of restlessness, being on edge. When we have done bondage, it was good. But as soon as we are “normal” , ….

I am still struggling

At class they know that I am married to a man and I think they kind of have an idea that we are not a “normal” couple. I am not sure if they would understand, most of them are from a cultural background which is not exactly gay friendly. I am finding it a bit strenuous. Master is getting bored, he is cranky because he cannot do much.

I always said I am open about me being a slave, but I do control it who I am open to. Am I contradicting myself? It is just that most people have no idea about bondage, about dominance and submission, about M/s. And they would not expect it from a couple who look so “normal”. So if people want to believe I am vanilla, because that is what they are familiar with, fine. It is easier for me. For people who have an understanding, I am happy to explain it. Sometimes I forget and I use words the muggles do not always understand, either. Words from the scene. Sometimes they look at me puzzled, they may ask “what”, and then I repeat myself in muggle terms. Something like this happened this morning. It has just been so intense the last few days. Good and bad intense. I got a funny look. My class mate enquired if everything was ok at home. I was able to re-assure her.

I went home for lunch, Master had managed to prepare something again. I went to yoga and had a drink with Sabine afterwards. She is always such a balanced person and manages to calm me by just being her. I felt energetic when I came home and wanted to be a good slave. We just spend the evening watching tv.

A good bondage experience

We had another interrupted night. The wires get stuck in the bedlinen and Master is often too groggy and impatient to free himself, so I have to get up and do it. Master suggested I move my cot into the bedroom and move out of the cage. We went to the building site again today, Master wants to make sure they do not slack. It is a tight schedule.

They have to replace some beams, some were rotten and deteriorated while the building was empty. That's why the toolbox fell through the ceiling. Of course while they wait for the beams they cannot work in that area, but there is enough to get on with. Some other problems had to be discussed and I understood it better than Master did. I never did much in SR, just hand Robert tools, nails or wood. But something must have gotten stuck.

I moved a few more boxes. We had some time in the playroom this afternoon. It takes a bit longer, but Master managed to strap me onto the bench. Then he sat in the corner behind my head and talked to me. Oh, it was special!

A busy day

Well. Someone commented “what is the difference between being submissive and being a slave?”

Dude, if you have read my blog (and Master's), than you would not ask that question. What a stupid question! I sent a reply along that line, with Master's approval.

I helped Master get dressed this morning and was a little late for class. Luckily, as we are at the flat, I had a bit more time. He had to have breakfast by himself. I managed to concentrate. I was tempted to call him during morning break to check in, but remembered the rules. He was fine when I got home for lunch, he even had something ready! He just had to defrost something and heat it. Ok, I had to drain the potatoes. Mats had been to visit and had peeled them!

Yoga was fine. I bought us some cakes and we had coffee together before I went to the centre. There was actually not that much left to do, so I joined the staff for the meal and then had a catch up with the manager and Sabine. Of course everyone wanted to know what happened to Owe once he turned up.

We came home straight after, Owe was tired. I helped him get ready for bed. I am writing my diary and will go to bed soon as well.

We are trying ...

Sunday, 8th

Master lost his patience with me last night. He usually handles himself well and keeps control, but I guess he is not quite himself at the moment either. As I wrote yesterday, I was all over the place, I did not really know how to behave, and Master did not give much guidance either. I just wanted to make sure he is comfortable, and I tried to expect what he wants, so I was a bit too attentive. Finally he took charge and ordered me to get the cage. We have some metal cuffs which are attached to the bars and he managed to get those onto me. He threatened to send me downstairs for Per to punish me. That would mean the whip. And not for pleasure. I do not think my behaviour was THAT bad!

So, we had a good night, Master decided to keep his hand free. We both still did not sleep too well.

This morning we sat down and talked about the next few weeks, and Master set up some rules. Yeah! It was a nice sunny day and we drove to the house to get some gear. I had to wait in the car while Master packed some stuff. We drove down to the park and went for a short walk and had one of the marvellous hot chocolates at the kiosk.

Master was getting uncomfortable and needed to rest and take some pain medication. So we came home and while he rested I cooked lunch. I feel quite comfortable in the kitchen now, especially after I fetched some equipment yesterday.

Master got annoyed with his inability to use both hands to eat. I knew better now than to offer help. I have to wait until he gives up and asks me to something specific. I think it is a natural urge to jump in and help. I see that with parents of toddlers. They are so afraid the child will fall over.

In the afternoon it had started to rain. We both sat and read the paper. Master had to sit at the table to read it, as he cannot hold it. In the evening we watched some tv. I sat on the floor as usual. Master played with my hair in my neck again, it is soo nice. We ended the night with a delicious blow job.

Monday, 9^th

Ah, day three. We are getting back into our roles. I am glad we talked about some rules. It is still hard for me sometimes, but it is good training. I am naturally submissive, but it is another skill/mindset being a slave.

We had a shower in my bathroom. Master decided we better move the paperwork to the office as the damp air might affect it. Anyway, I would like to be able to sleep in my room again, so I will have to clear it. Then we went to the building site. Master introduced me as part owner. They picked up their conversation from Thursday. At first I was not really paying attention, I was just looking around. Then I kind of remembered my experiences with helping Master Robert, and I paid attention and understood what the foreman was talking about.

In the afternoon Master Owe had an appointment at the hospital. They changed the bandages. The hand is still quite swollen and very bruised. It looks so creepy to see the metal stick out of the hand.

They gave it a good clean and bandaged it again. The new bandages are less thick and Master hopes he will be able to use his fingers more. They took an xray to see that everything was still in place and there is no infection. We were there for 2 hours. Master was tired afterwards. I took him home and then did some shopping. I went to our cafe for a coffee. I felt guilty about leaving him on his own, but I felt I needed some space. And I felt guilty for needing some space. I confessed it to Master when I came home, he said it was ok. He had quite enjoyed being at home alone.

I mentioned would he be alright tomorrow, all day? We agreed I come home for lunch, and come back after yoga before going to the centre a bit later. I phoned them to update them and that I would be in later. Of course they were fine with it. Master is planning to come to meditation.

I have started to move some boxes. I noticed it strained me and it will take me several days to do it. Master suggested we get one of the neighbors to help. But I am ok at the moment, I like still sleeping in Owe's room. He likes it too, so we carry on for now.

Life with an injury

This morning I did my usual shopping, Master felt well enough to come with me. He slept quite well last night, we were able to replicate the system they had the hospital with a lamp and the rope and keep his hand up. It is not ideal though, I had to get up several times and straighten everything.

As we are going to stay here for some weeks now, I decided to clear my room and bring everything into the office.

We came to the house to pack some stuff. Master was very particular which clothes he wanted. We will have to cut some sleeves, so his hand can fit through. So he chose some older items we can use for that. He dresses well and it is important to him how he looks.

We have already noticed how much he cannot do. All of his shoes have laces. I have to do them up, he can undo them. Brushing his teeth, combing his hair, pulling trousers up and doing them up. I have to help him get dressed and undressed, he cannot do buttons. All takes a bit longer. I have to cut up his food. He wet shaves, and he has already decided he will have to be a frequent visitor to the barber in the street. Luckily we can afford that.

I do not mind at all to have to do this, any partner would for their loved one. I knew a slave in Toronto who had to dress his mistress. She did not do a thing.

Master says he could have opted for a cast, but by having the operation and the wires put in, he will be able to use his fingers sooner, and everything will heal faster. He will have more mobility earlier.

Taking a shower this morning was quite interesting. We had to put a plastic bag over the hand and tape it securely. I soaped him and washed him, and had he not been so uncomfortable and in pain, it would have been a very long shower.

I have posted on his blog that he will take a break due to his injury and people should read mine. So I will have to post often, and of course Master will check what I write. Puuh, I am all over the place again. I have not really got over my anxiety yet. I am trying to make sense of everything. I do not want to burden Master with my little problems.

Master is home!

Master is back at home with me. He is quite drugged with pain medication. He has to hold his hand up, apparently it helps with healing and prevents blood clots. How he is going to sleep with it we have not figured out yet. Earlier he wanted to have a nap and we managed to secure the hand to the back of the sofa with the help of some rope. It is just that he is a wriggler and likes to turn around a lot at night. One reason why I do not sleep well if we share a bed.

I got up early this morning and did my routine. I got a bit upset. P/L like to take it leisurely in the morning. “At a certain age it just takes a bit longer to wake up the old bones”, they say. So I came upstairs to shower, have breakfast. I very much missed my table. It was even more obvious, sitting at the big table by myself, that Master was not here. I took public transport to fetch the car. I thought about going in and inform the foreman, but then I would have had to go through the whole procedure of introducing myself and report about his injury, and I did not feel up to that. Anyway, Master had said he wanted to introduce me.

I had just come home when Master called he was ready to be picked up. So off I went again. I had to help him get the seat belt in! He looked quite pale and tired, but had not lost any of his authority!

He wanted some lunch and I made some pasta. He sent me to yoga, he assured he would be alright by himself. I was worried all the time, I might as well have stayed at home!

Master said it would be better if we stay at the flat. P/L are going to Spain again for 6 weeks soon, so we should stay anyway, to do the care taking. We are going to go to the house tomorrow to pick up some stuff, he wants to choose the clothes to bring. I am making a list of things we will need for the kitchen. I guess I will be back and forth a lot. Most of our mail comes to the house, so I have to get that anyway.

Christmas and New Year

Master had his talk at the University today, I was allowed to come along again. We joined a tour to see the building. It is all very modern and nice. I was looking at it from the point of a potential student, but considering how difficult I found it to read the science magazines, I think taking up my studies again is out of the question. But I enjoy keeping my brain busy.

Owe was much more confident this week giving his speech. Especially the 2^nd time. He was sure of his subject.

We went to a cafe nearby where he had lunch when he was working in the neigborhood. He was warmly welcomed by the owner. Seems he was here every day. Were my lunch boxes not enough?

We came home in the late afternoon. It was dark, cold and wet. Master lit a fire. He put me into some restraints and we watched some television. Almost a normal day for us. I managed to keep my mind off the exam tomorrow.

The exam went well, it was quite tough. I met with Master and Ingrid afterwards for lunch, they were eager to hear how I got on. Then I had yoga. There will be a break now for 2 weeks until the new year. I cannot believe, this is my 2^nd christmas and New Year in Stockholm!

We are driving to Dalarna tomorrow, I have packed already. Day to day I am not too bothered having to deal with my “special needs”, but when I go away and the stuff fills a whole travel bag by itself, it is daunting.

I am finally getting some peace and quiet to write my diary. I was actually not too bothered about leaving the house all tidy and clean. Of course we tidied up, and I gave the bathrooms a clean while Master packed the car and cleaned our breakfast stuff away. We took our time driving. We stopped for lunch. The kids were excited to have us here, and Dog remembered us as well and followed us and got into the way. By now they are used to us and our stuff. We are staying in the main house, only Trude lives there, but during the day the whole family is in and out. There is snow here and we had to inspect the snow family the kids have built. We are a bit further north here, so it gets dark even earlier! And COLD! We had fika, the wood burner was on and it was nicely warm.

Master and I decided to have an early night. It took us some time to figure out how to fit the restraints to the bed. Funny, I am apprehensive about using them.

So, it was christmas today. It was not so much a religious celebration here. In Sweden it is more about food, drinking and presents. In the morning we helped with preparations for the dinner and keeping the children busy. Lunch was late and long. It was just us, the immediate family. The farm is quite isolated, and most people they know had their own family festivities to attend. Alcohol was served, but no-one drinks a lot. The animals had to be tended to in the evening, not a good idea to be drunk! I had a sip of a home brewed schnapps. Mymy. It took my breath away. Even here, deep inland, the buffet offered fish, but we had a lovely piece of beef from their own herd.

The presents were exchanged after the meal. Of course it was mostly for the kids. We had presents for Trude and the adults, they had requested stuff. Owe and I did not give presents to each other. After my rather dubious present to Owe for his birthday, he had made it a rule not to give presents – ever!

After the animals had been put to bed, the family left, the kids were very tired after trying all their presents. Owe and I sat a while with Trude. Last night we only put the restraints around my ankles, that gave me enough chance to move around, but kept me in bed. I hardly noticed them. I hope he will be happy with only those. I am actually quite tired tonight and look forward to a good nights sleep.

Today I spent some time playing with the children in the snow. Master helped to look after the animals. Dog was enjoying playing with us. When we came in for some lunch, I noticed that I had gotten cold. We had been so physically active, I felt warm. But inside and out of the warm clothes, I suddenly started to shudder. Owe sat down with me in a comfy chair by the oven and warmed me up. I think Trude was a little uncomfortable. I guess seeing two men like this is a bit strange for her, never mind how open minded one is. He is helping with the animals again at the moment. He does not want me to help, he is afraid I might pick up an infection.

Last night Master put the other restraints on me. Then he gave me blow job. Oh my god!

Enough said about that. Owe and I went to the local town today and had lunch in a local restaurant. Most shops were still closed, but it was nice to have some time just the two of us. It was a sunny day, and we went for a walk. Again, once we came home, I had gotten cold. All the hot drinks and sitting in front of the oven does not help, the best way to get warm is to cuddle up to Master. The kids accept it, but the adults are a bit shy. We are aware of that and try to keep intimacy to our room. Not that we are all over each other anyway.

Just a short entry today, I am spent. Last night Master put me into some rope and gagged me and left me alone (we had the baby monitor on, how he explained that to Trude I would like to know!). I enjoyed it. He only untied me when he came to bed, and then he put me into the restraints. I did not sleep very well. Funnily I got too hot and could not get the duvet off enough due to the restraints. Master was sleeping so deeply, he did not notice my shuffling.

We went dog sledging today. We had talked about it when we told them about our trip to Canada and the kids wanted to experience it. It was good fun. Afterwards we were able to warm up in a hot tub. Nevertheless I felt cold when we came home, and of course I was very tired. Master and I went to bed. He was afraid I would get ill and let me sleep. Apparently the children could not understand why we would go to bed during the day.

We are going home tomorrow. It has been long enough, I want my familiar environment back, my own bed. My own kitchen and my routine. I am starting to have problems, I am just not as relaxed. I had to clean myself this morning, and as I was slightly under time pressure as we had the sledging booked, it was not going well. I tried again tonight, it was better. Still, I am feeling a bit funny tonight. As it is our last evening, I am expected downstairs for a goodbye drink. Well, better go, then I can get to bed soon!

Home, sweet home! Owe put the heating on before we got here via his phone. I immediately unpacked and we were very much at home soon. Trude had packed us some food, and we had stopped to buy some fresh stuff. Poor Master did most of the driving, as I was not feeling too well.

The food in Dalarna was very nutritious, and I still had my shakes, but it was different than we usually have, heavier. So I had a bit of stomach pains, and a headache I just could not get rid off despite taking some pain medication.

It was sad to say goodbye, I know Master is very worried about his aunt, that she overdoes it. She is still very active looking after the house and helping look after farm issues. She is not that old yet, in her mid-sixties. But then my father was that age when he suddenly died.

Dog knew something was up, and he tried to get into the car again. He did not spend much time in the house this time, he slept in the barn with the other dogs. But he was always on the porch in the morning waiting for me. He is still very much a puppy, but quite good at discipline when he wants to. Tonight I spent some time in the cage, in the play room by myself. Master checked on me several times.

Master suggested to spend a few days at the flat and spend New Years eve there. After so much time in the quiet country he fancied to hear the street noise, although it is not too bad, as we are so high up. So we packed again. Of course we do not keep anything at the flat any more, so the car was pretty full. I drove the short distance. Luckily we found a space right outside the house. Per and Lasse came to help carry some stuff. We invited them to spend New Years eve with us, which they gladly accepted. We invited all of our neighbours, but everyone already had plans. Master suggested to invite Martin and his wife. Usually Martin had to work, of course. They were free and gladly accepted. Master and I moved some furniture around to make it different then when the Germans were here, we were a bit dubious about using the sofa. We just remembered the footage. I like sitting on the floor anyway, so I am not too bothered.

I was a bit unsettled as my room is full of stuff from the club. Luckily I can still use the bathroom ok. I will have to sleep I Owe's room, but I will use the cage. I am quite looking forward to it.

After we had sorted the flat we went to the gym. It was late afternoon, a time I rarely use it. We were the only customers. It felt a bit strange. The staff seemed happy to see customers and we asked them to monitor us, as we had quite a few days off and needed to get back into it. We both enjoyed the work out. Tonight Master put some upper body restraints on me. It is harness which is well used, it was one of Arne's designs. I like it. It leaves me enough freedom to function, but also restricts me enough.

Today we did some shopping for the party tomorrow and made ourselves at home more. I slept well in the cage last night. It was nice doing yoga in the living room. The flat feels very empty though. I missed our little table for breakfast this morning. I started to get everything ready and automatically turned to lay it. But now I had to bring everything to the big table. Master said he felt a bit disorientated when he woke up. He woke up before I had a chance to wake him. I was looking forward to have that time together. We went to the gym again in the afternoon, Master stayed on to go to the sauna. I came home and prepared a light dinner for him. Tonight we are going to the cinema. It is only a few bus stops. We booked tickets for one of the action movies Master enjoys.

After I had done yoga this morning I remembered last year. How much has changed!!!

I went to wake Master, I watched him sleep for a while before I started my routine. I have to guide him out of sleep. I took care of his morning erection, and then we had a coffee in bed. He also commented on how much has changed this year, how much we had experienced. He said it is good that we both keep the diary. One does not remember everything how it truly was. And we met some people because of the blogs. He asked me what I expect of the new year. Honestly, I had not thought about it. I am happy as things are at the moment. I do not want to think too much about the future. It always comes different anyway. Life has it's own plans.

Master Owe andIi went alcohol shopping. What a procedure! One has to look in a catalogue what one wants, write the code number on a piece of paper, pay for it, then find an assistant, who are behind a counter, they will get the bottle(s). It does not stop drinking alcohol, so why do they not sell it openly? This way I guess the government gets more money. We did not buy much, two bottles of wine and something sparkling for midnight. Master splashed out on something good. I had to swallow at the price. I am cooking beef Wellington, and we are going to have Swedish salad before, and then fruit salad and ice cream.

This afternoon I cleaned the flat. Master was laughing at me, it was hardly dirty, we have only been here 2 days!

Happy New Year!

We had a nice time last night, Martin of course knows Per and Lasse, his wife had not met them before. She was the only woman last night, but she is used to being surrounded by gay leather men.

The food was good, the beef was cooked nicely pink, and we toasted the new year. From our balcony we had a nice view of fire works. Our guests left soon after. Martin and his family are travelling to Australia and New Zealand for 4 weeks, he used to live there for several years as a young man. We met with Stefan for a drink in a local bar. Many people have a long time off and the atmosphere was very relaxed. Master called some people to extend best wishes.

I only had 2 glasses of alcohol last night, but I felt it today! I had something to eat with every course, and I am a bit out of rhythm anyway, so my resolution is to get me back on track. I have put some weight on though!

My classes start again on Tuesday so while Master read his paper I have had a look through my books and revised. He fell asleep on the sofa! We were up quite early this morning.

I was a bit out of sorts yesterday. Sometimes important dates and late nights do that to me. I went to the house to check everything is ok and I needed to fetch some clothes and books. I had a letter from the States. I did not read it until I was at home. Home is where Master Owe is, so it is the flat.

It was written before christmas. It was nice to have it. It is a positive letter. It was hard in November, a lot of information, especially for her.

Master and Martin had a meeting with Mr Allender and the architect to discuss the final plans for the building work. Poor Martin, having to work hours before jetting half around the world. To be honest, I guess he was glad to be away from 3 fretting females about what to pack.

It felt funny to be back at the house. I almost did not want to go back to the flat. It is so clinical there. And I cannot sleep in my own room. I like being in Master's room, and be in my cage, but it does cramp our life. It is ok for a few days.

Using the kitchen here is a bit cramped. Of course we only have the basics here, as well. I just have to treat it as if we are in a holiday place. And still it is so familiar. Our neighbours greet us and want a chat. The people in the shops know me. I am torn.

So, back to my routine. Class, lunch, yoga, cooking at the centre, dinner and meditation. Wow. Apparently most people take time off longer, so that all my classes are running is quite unusual.

At yoga a few regulars were missing. Everyone was at class and eager to get on. We are all very motivated, except for me everyone is planning to go to University and doing another course to prepare them. It is good to be in such a motivated group.

The building work started today. Well, still ripping things out. Master had to meet the builders first thing this morning, he was not happy to be woken by me just after 6am. It is still absolutely dark, but the work is indoors. Master said the foreman was dubious about the plans, and I will have to come along soon and we have to show him what a real Master and slave are like these days.

Bring it on!

Today we had some time in the play room. It felt cold in there, it has not been used in a long time. Most of the gear is actually at the house, so we had to make do with what was there, which was mostly the big pieces of equipment and rope. Master - as always - was very inventive and we had a good time. We went to bed afterwards to have a long session of sex. He got me to orgasm twice!

Tonight we were sitting in the living room, me on the floor, as usual. Master was caressing my neck and playing with my hair and collar. I liked that. Sometimes he put his finger under the collar, which made it very tight. It did not cause me any problems, and it was nice to be reminded that it is there.

I am downstairs, I am going to sleep here tonight. Master is in hospital! He had an accident at the building site. He had a phone call that there was a problem, and then a heavy tool box fell through the ceiling onto his hand. He broke his hand and had to have an operation to fix it. Per met me when I came home from yoga. I was very annoyed that they did not inform me earlier, by then Master was just having his operation. He had decided that there was nothing I could do anyway and I would just get upset. Per helped me pack some things for Master and took me to the hospital. We had to wait for Master to be brought to a ward. Then he still was very groggy. He instructed me to stay with P/L, after getting the ok from them that I could stay with them. His hand was heavily bandaged. I have to go and retrieve the car tomorrow. It is still at the club. I think this will mean that we will stay at the flat for a bit longer, so I need to fetch more stuff from the house. Oh my, my head is buzzing! I guess we have to be thank full it was only his hand. It is my worst nightmare, that something happens to Owe. I do not think I would be able to cope, on so many levels. Well, Per ordered me light out.